Old General Nice Ice had an awful case of freezer burn.
The happy look he once bore on his face had grown quite stern.
His spiked gray hair was frosted over like a polar bear.
His cheeks, once rosy, now had no more cheerfulness to share.
His arms and legs had stiffened and his once soft heart was hard.
His lips were purple when they found him standing in his yard.
His friends took him to Hero Hospital to be defrosted.
But could it be too late for him? Had he already “lost it”?
Good doctor Cool Breeze wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole.
It had to be eleven feet. The tip was very cold.
He took the stiff man’s temperature and wouldn’t give it back,
For it was minus zero, colder than a frozen snack.
When asked to stick his tongue out, the poor guy could not say “Blah,”
All he could spit through gritted teeth was “I am NOT in awe.”
“At least it’s better than lukewarm.” The doctor’s voice was grim.
“Your illness didn’t come from exercising at the gym.”
“I see vice in your ice, which cannot cover up your flaws.
It seems you have Pride flu. Could you illuminate the cause?
What is the last heroic deed you did before this hit?
Did someone spray hot sauce on you or throw a nasty fit?”
Snowflakes popped up in different places on the golden floor.
The patient’s eyes shot icicles too glaring to ignore.
“How do you dare imply such petty things could get my goat?”
The anger on his face was like the berg that sunk the boat.
The doctor tried again. “Please sir, I beg. Don’t be offended.
Those are the questions that my fellow doctors recommended.
It’s nothing personal, but you are in stage three denial.
Your friends don’t want to see you die. They miss your happy smile.”
The general relaxed a bit. “Volcano Man. It’s he.
He spewed a stream of lava, but I froze it expertly.
It wasn’t easy. No one helped me. No one even cared.
The villain was so evil and the victims were so scared.”
“The helicopter I was flying, no one else could man.
No co-pilot is qualified to lend this guy a hand.
I shall not relegate such work to some unworthy slob.
I am the multi-tasker, and I did a bang-up job.
Through blasts of hot disgust and wild opinion smoke I steered,
While blowing freeze breath out the window, from his rants I veered.
I used my supersonic voice to tell the crowd to freeze
While I made ice of lava, but their fear it did not ease.
“The people were too stubborn and they would not heed my voice.
And that is why, you see, I have no reason to rejoice.
I stuck my neck out for them, but received no gratitude.
All I got from them was one big stinking attitude.”
“They said they didn’t like the way that I looked down on them.
‘We are not little kids,’ they said. ‘We want to be your friend.’
But who would not act better than those folks if they were me?
The fire I put out was growing exponentially.”
“I saved those lazy victims, but my role is now reversed.
Now I’m the one in need of rescuing and I feel cursed.
I’m sick because I just asked them to listen and obey.
But they refused. It makes me mad. This cold won’t go away.”
“If you’ll take my prescription, then it will,” the doctor said.
“First off, to cure this flu requires a chill pill for your head.
Let go your disappointment. Everybody makes mistakes.
To know you’re not their Savior is the way to cure your aches. ”
“Rest in His finished work. That’s the best way to heal your heart.
You do not need a podium to demonstrate your art.
The warmth that you require does not depend on recognition.
What you need is a merry heart to make a smooth transition.”
“To think on good things, not on bad, will bring more joy to you.
To welcome co-pilots can melt the ice in which you stew.
A slice of humble pie will help dissolve your isolation
And turn your freezer burn into a wondrous ‘ice elation.'”